Hello friends! Apparently, my scheduled post for yesterday didn’t post. We are finally in Oregon after 4 days and more than 26 hours of driving(how much, I do not know… 26 hours doesn’t count the stops). Here are two days worth of posts- this is the first, they are backwards.
All of us at Beautiful Work are all very happy to be whams and to share the little things that we are learning. However, we are very pleased to bring you some input from some more experienced whams for these next couple of weeks. A panel of these lovely ladies have answered questions for us that we will post over the next two weeks. Here is our first wham, Mary. The thing I love about Mary is that she is very real and takes a “warts and all” approach to life. I have been blessed by her frank, biblical input into my life. The interview questions are in bold and the responses are in italics.
Please tell us a little about your experience as a wham.
I am mid-fifties, married in 1973. I left college to get married and raise a family. I knew my husband for about 6 years (in high school and after) before we got married. He was a Vietnam Vet who finished college on the GI Bill and went into Public Accounting, eventually corporate finance. I stayed home with children, managing the homefront and developing productive and enjoyable hobbies such as: gardening, specialty cooking, knitting and sewing.
I married with an expectation of “home, children, security and respectable status.” It took many years and friendships with a number of more mature, “married longer,” good and godly women for me to come to grips with the fact of being married to a man and all that comes with the package. If course I love him! But I was surprised by many things. I wish I had realized sooner that the ways he was and is different from me are not bad or meant to make me crazy or sad.
So, what is some advice you’d give to a woman who is new in her journey as a wham?
I think some things would have been better early on if I had made a good effort to find out as many differences as I could between my husband and I. I need a lot of conversation – serious and sometimes silly, girly and emotional. My husband can only take so much conversation and he doesn’t always understand where I’m coming from. He meant and still means me no harm when he doesn’t understand me. It has been helpful for me to make acceptable personal adjustments instead of trying to change my husband. Healthy, supportive friendships with women filled in the gaps for his “shortcomings” in meeting all my relational needs. Over the years I have developed wonderful friendships with godly, praying women that are supportive of men, marriage and family life and pose no threat to my marriage and have a great sense of humor. They helped me a lot.