I truly enjoy getting to know each one of my girls. They are all four so different! For this post I will mainly be talking about my oldest daughter who has become a truly wonderful and refining gift in my life. From the very beginning Brigitta tested my idea of motherhood. She was not easily soothed as a baby, needed constant structure, was very expressive and would test me like no other person. She was not the cuddly baby that loved to be held close to her mama like I had imagined. She preferred to be rocked in her vibrating bouncy seat :) She would scream at all hours of the night and didn’t mind if I screamed along. I knew from the start that life would be changing for me and that I was the one that needed adjusting.
Ways that I love Brigitta have changed over the years. She has grown and changed but one thing that has remained the same is that she will always speak her mind about something. This can be very hard for a very non confrontational, laid back mom to deal with. So when my daughter learns the definition of plump and says, “Mom that is kind of like you” I have learned not to over react but to draw her out. I have learned to be slow to anger. Another way I have learned to love Brigitta is to always act like I have a plan or know what I am doing. If she senses any wavering or weakness in me it causes her much stress. She will try to take over a situation if she feels a lack of leadership or weak leading. This keeps me on my toes and causes me to constantly be focusing myself and my leadership of the household. The “practical” ways are lessening as she gets older. I feel like it is really learning how she best responds to me as a mom and taking away the roadblocks that are naturally there in my personality. Loving her means knowing the ways that I drive her crazy and actively seeking to lessen those things in our interaction. I know she doesn’t like just going out and exploring, she likes to go out for a purpose. She hates waking up and not knowing what the day will bring, I love waking up and not knowing what the day will bring. So I try having a plan with her even though it means setting aside my natural desire.