Dining discount April 29, 2009

Check out the great deals on restaurant.com right now!  Get their gift certificates 80% off … a $25 gift certificate is only $2!  Just enter the discount code ‘LUCKY’ when you check out.  It’s only good through tomorrow though so go check it out now!

My husband and I were even able to use one while we were on a date in another city this weekend.  You don’t have to plan too far ahead since you just print them right out from your computer!  I think spending our money wisely (the money that he works so hard for) is one other way that I can show my husband respect, especially when it means a fun meal out together!  Happy dining :)

It is all in my head!

A few ways that I cultivate respect for my husband…

1.  Think on truth! I have often found when we do not have time to communicate (which happens often due to his travel schedule) I will often think the worse of it.  I will think things like he doesn’t care, he is way off in his priorities, he died in a car accident, etc.  I have come to find that this is often the farthest from what is really going on.  It is discipline for me to only dwell on what I know to be a fact and to stop assuming things until I have time to lovingly ask questions.  It is also hard for me to wait :)  But my assuming has really damaged our relationship and it is something I want to strive to avoid at all costs.  I know my husband loves me and the family, I know he works hard to further the gospel and spread the message of salvation, and I know he is not perfect.  He is much more receptive to questions/correction when it comes from a place of respect and assumptions of good rather than delusion or negative.

2.  Think on positives! Instead of keeping a list of wrongs, try and everyday think on the good things your husband does.  I make it a goal to actively think everyday about the wonderful things my husband has done that day or in the past if he is gone.  These can be little things like the kind look he gave me in the morning, or the diaper he just changed, or the morning he let me sleep in without me asking :)

3.  Learn and/or observe your husband where he excels! Another thing that has helped me is really listening to my husband talk about his work.  I try to learn as much about what he does and listen to him actively.  I also try to just listen and not talk or offer advice unless asked :)  Some things that he has to deal with absolutely make me cringe and I want to rush in and fix the situation.  Learning to be patient and watch as he navigates tough waters and makes crazy things  happen has helped me realize how wonderful he is and how faithful the Lord is to teach and guide.  I was able to observe my husband produce a video recently and was blown away by his skills in getting things done.

Slow to speak….really slow. April 28, 2009

I talk a lot and I like to analyze people and situations..and then I like to “fix” the problems I see.  When these traits are mixed the result can be a icky mess of harsh words directed right at the person I love the most: my husband!  Not good.  Not good at all!

SO, what do I do instead of inadvertently breaking my husband down word by word…I TRY REALLY HARD to shut my mouth.  Each time I choose to listen, rather than speak, I give myself an opportunity to encourage him when I do choose to speak.

By choosing my words more carefully I am making the choice to respect my husband in my speech, thoughts, and actions.

And this is something I KNOW he appreciates.  :-)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T April 27, 2009

In the same vein as Kate’s post on Thursday, this week we’ll be discussing ways that we cultivate respect for our husbands. Here are some things that have helped me grow in respecting Andrew and to guard against developing a critical spirit. 

Understand his personality - I know I talk about personality all the time… but I do feel that understanding one’s husband in this way is crucial! Knowing that Andrew is an ISTJ helps me to appreciate him more because I look at the strengths of that personality (faithful, hard-working, thorough) and it increases my respect for him. Knowing the way Andrew approaches life also helps me when he does something in a totally different way than I would (which is often since we are total opposites). I can step back in a potentially frustrating situation and realize that Andrew has good reasons for approaching it in the way he does. 

Talk about things right away- In the first couple of years of our marriage, in certain instances if Andrew did something that upset me,  I would tell myself, “That’s not a big deal, Andie. You are being silly. You need to get over this.”  This was a bad idea. Inevitably, whatever it was that “wasn’t a big deal” would come up later…. like months later. By refusing to talk with Andrew about what had upset me, I inadvertently allowed bitterness to sink in. Bitterness usually led to a critical spirit for me. Now I am careful to talk to Andrew right away if something upsets me, even if I feel embarrassed about it. 

Unconditional Respect - the other day, I heard a very good answer to an oft-asked question. That question is: How do I respect my husband in those times when he is not acting in a respectable way? Our speaker at MOMS the other day addressed this in a helpful way. She asked us wives, “Are you always lovable?” (Um, NO.) “Do you expect your husband to love you unconditionally?” (Yes, that’s what marriage is all about.) “In the same way that our husbands are called to love us unconditionally, we are called to respect them unconditionally.” Unconditional respect for Andrew is a key aspect of my job description just as unconditional love is a key aspect of his. I found this to be a great new way to look at God’s requirement  that wives respect their husbands.

Love & Respect April 23, 2009

About a year ago Matt and I both read Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires/The Respect He Desperately Needs by Dr Emerson Eggerichs.  The sub-titles are most self-descriptive and the book really expounded on those ideas based on Ephesians 5:33, “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”  He does a wonderful job of flushing out the everyday living of these commands from scripture and presents lots of real-life scenarios that were very helpful in understanding and applying the principles!  It was great to co-read it with Matt also and to be able to discuss each chapter as we read through it … there were plenty of conversation starters to encourage our communication too!

Sex and the Supremacy of Christ April 21, 2009

One very helpful resource for me was the seminar Carolyn Mahaney did at the Desiring God National Conference 2004.  You can download it for free and really the whole conference is worth listening to :)  This is a very practical seminar.

Totally helpful and inspiring.  My favorite quote has to do with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner so listen for it!  It totally helped me to prioritize my time and life as a wife and mom and woman.

Another helpful read for me was What’s the Difference?

Feminine Appeal – by Carolyn Mahaney

Some of my good friends and I are reading Feminine Appeal for our Book/Bible Study right now.  It’s a short read (GREAT for busy wives and moms…) and really provides for great discussion and reflection on our lives as wives.  In her book, Carolyn addresses these seven virtues:

• The Delight of Loving My Husband
• The Blessings of Loving My Children
• The Safety of Self-Control
• The Pleasure of Purity
• The Honor of Working at Home
• The Rewards of Kindness
• The Beauty of Submission

Feminine Appeal is a wonderful book that I will definitely be revisiting…multiple times throughout my life.  :-)  She addresses the single woman, the married woman, the working woman, and the stay-at-home woman in very practical and encouraging ways that really challenge you to change the way you view your role as a wife.

The “W” of being a WHAM April 20, 2009

It’s been awhile  since we have focused on wife-ing here at Beautiful Work. It’s no surprise to me, really. It’s much more natural at this time of life with busy children to focus on them and not focus as much on marriage (even unintentionally). But, focus on marriage we should and focus on marriage we shall! We’ll be spending the next 3 or 4 weeks trying to mutually encourage each other in this momentous commitment in our lives. 

This week, we will be recommending books or resources that have encouraged, challenged or inspired us (or all of the above) in our marriages. I love a book called The Mystery of Marriage: Meditations on the Miracle  by Mike Mason. You literature lovers out there will enjoy this book because it’s full of rich imagery and analogy. For me, this book makes beautiful the painful and challenging parts of marriage. Andrew and I read parts of it together early in our marriage. I think it might have been a little too artsy/symbolic for him. So, you ISTJs, take heed. You may not appreciate it as much as I did! Here’s a taste of what I love about this book.

It is no small thing to open our hearts and our arms and allow another to enter there, to grant to another person the same worth, the same consequence, the same existential gravity that we take for granted in ourselves….For truly to open our hearts to other people is to invite them into our own throne room and to sit them down on our very own throne, on the seat normally warmed by no one but ourselves. And to do that is to have the throne, the seat of the ego, rocked right off its foundations. Love is an earthquake that relocates the center of the universe. 

and another passage that rings oh so true to me….

Like God Himself, then, marriage comes with a built-in abhorrence of self-centeredness. In the dream world of mankind’s complacent separateness, amidst all our pleasant little fantasies of omnipotence and blamelessness and self-sufficiency, marriage explodes like a bomb…. It attacks people’s vanity and lonely pride in a way that few other things can, tirelessly exposing the necessity of giving and sharing, the absurdity of blame…Dragging us into lifelong encounters which at times may be full of boredom, tension, unpleasantness, or grief, marriage challenges us to abandon everything for the sake of love. 

For in the first place, love convinces a couple that they are the greatest romance that has ever been, that no two people have ever loved as they do, and that they will sacrifice absolutely anything to be together. And then marriage asks them to prove it. Marriage is the down-to-earth dimension of romance, the translation of a romantic blueprint into costly reality. It is the practical working out of people’s grandest dreams and ideals and promises in the realm of love. It is one of God’s most powerful secret weapons for revolutionizing the human heart. 

Does this sound familiar to anyone?? I read it and resonate with almost every word.  If it didn’t grab you, don’t worry, the other ladies will be following with favorites of their own :)

FYSF? April 17, 2009

For those of you who have participated in Spring Cleaning Week, you need a break! No FYSF today :)

Jane cleaned up her office and you can see her before and after post. You can also find all kinds of helpful things at her blog, All Together Beautiful (permanently linked on our sidebar). 

Have a good weekend!!

Project Report April 16, 2009

Did you do a project this week? We’d love to see a photo. You can email me at andreaeggimann at yahoo. If you send one, we’ll post it tomorrow, or link to your blog.